Dysfunctionality

I think I may have possibly made that word up (dysfunctionality) but that's what exists in my family life. My immediate family is a complete and utter mess. I sometimes feel as if I'm the only normal, sane one. But that would mean the dysfunction gene (I think it may be genetic) would have skipped me... yet it is alive, thriving, and multiplying in even my twin sister, which I find odd. If I told you all just half the stuff that has gone down, what we are currently going through, and what's yet to come, I don't think you would believe me, so I think I will keep it to myself. Additionally, I don't want to air anyone's dirty laundry. I might however write a book- promise you, it would be a best-seller.It might even make it to Oprah's book club.

My mom tries so hard to keep it all together but I really think she needs to give it up. I guess I respect her efforts, but it isn't working- it hasn't worked for years. But just like a mother, she will continue to be the tape (not even glue) that keeps it all together. Mom is dealing with enough issues herself, she doesn't need to be worrying and taking care of adult fools.

We all grew up under the same conditions, but how is it that I turned out so completely different than the rest of them? Growing up wasn't the best but it damn sure wasn't the worst either. I am thankful that I went to some of the best schools that Philadelphia had to offer, and I think attending these schools kept me out of trouble and focused on achieving my best. I thank God that I have developed a few friendships over the years that have worked as an escape from what goes/went on at home. My friends have been there when I needed them most and I love you as if you are blood.

Tracy, my big sis... I love you and I know that you will make it through. Don't listen to anything they have to say... you have come a long way and will continue to succeed in everything you put your mind to. You are absolutely correct, and I'm glad you understand why I have distanced myself from it all. I'm not running away from anything, but I am attempting to eliminate any aspect of negativity that creeps into my life.

All the rest of you... first get some help. Secondly, stop blaming others for your mistakes. Own up to your faults, and accept responsibilty for your actions. SuperMom isn't gonna be around forever to get you out of a tough and sticky situation. You are the reason that you are in the predicament(s) you are in now. Don't ever,

EVER,
EVER,
EVER,
EVER,
EVER

expect any help or assistance from me for anything... especially for some bullshit you never should have been involved in the first place. I don't hate any of you, but I don't like any of you either. Sounds bad, but it's the truth. I will continue to keep you in my prayers and I still wish the best for you.
If you get your acts together, maybe things will change. If not, I know I'll survive... I always have.


Oh... I miss my grandmom. I'll go and see her on Wednesday. She'll make things better.

Talking in my sleep and crazy dreaming

I have a tendency to talk in my sleep. I didn't know I was a talker until I was in college. For the most part, prior to college I was sleeping in a bedroom by myself, so I had no idea I would be talking while sleeping.

In my freshman year of college, my then roommate would ask me what I was talking about last night, and I would be like, "I don't kow what you are talking about... I didn't even see you last night." He said he would have entire conversations with me while I was sleeping.
I know now, I often dream about having conversations with various people and I'll sometimes wake up still thinking that I am talking to them and I'll actually be talking as if someone is there with me.

I know all this sounds so weird... but you can feel free to laugh- I won't be offended.
My dreams are really crazy. As of late, I dream of the catostrophic end of the world and of ghosts/demons attacking me. A few nights ago, I had a dream that something evil was repeatedly busting me in the head REAL hard with one of my own pillows and I couldn't move or fight back.

Last night I dreamt I was at my family reunion, and for some odd reason, I had a distance cousin come and everyone was excited that he was there. The funny part about this cousin was that he was Japanese royalty (no one in my family lives outside of the continental US) and super hip. He had on the best pair of fresh, colorful NIKE Dunks that I have ever seen. He noticed me noticing them, and cuz took them off to let me have them.

Cuz brought his soon to be wife along to the reunion with him and introduced her to me. The fiance whispered something in my cuz's ear and he gave me the ill screwface, then snatched his kicks back. I asked him why he would do something like that and he told me that his girl said she knew me from when she worked at a nearby mall and I used to come in and try and mack on her. Cuz was pissed.


(And please forgive me because I am writing as my thoughts are coming in my head verbatim... I hope you can all understand what I wrote). It's just me on one of my rants.
I hope I don't say anything in my sleeping state while someone is around that I will regret later .














And yes, I still am listening to BEP's Monkey Business... it's HOT!!!!