I'm the worst when I'm sleepy

I was at a boring ass meeting this afternoon. I really didn't even need to be there, but my boss insisted I attend. BIG MISTAKE!

I was making sure i had something to eat before I went into the meeting... ain't nothing worse then having to sit through a meeting hungry. So I scarfed down half of this GIGANTIC chicken cheesesteak that I had.

It was so M' EFFIN' good too!

Fast foward to the meeting.

I'm in there trying my best to pay attention, then I'm daydreaming.

Next thing you know, BAM!!!

My head did one of those HARD dips.You know the kind where your head falls so hard that it feels like it's gonna snap off your neck?

I think I heard my neck crack.

It startled me and I had to hurry and compose myself...

rustled the papers that were in front of me

acted like I was taking notes

looked around ever so slightly to make sure no one saw me almost fall onto the table.

Someone had the nerve to ask me a question. I had no idea what the hell I was asked so I must have sounded like a complete idiot when I responded.
I was so embarrassed.

It would have helped if the temperature in that damn room wasn't 95 degrees.

Just call me The Enforcer

Today seemed as if it would be a typical day at work-

I arrived on time.

I had already eaten my breakfast at home so I didn't have to worry about my stomach acting crazy and pushing me to think about food and not about work (hunger has a strange power over me)

My emails were checked and I was working on a couple projects before I had my afternoon meetings.

Then it happened...

A faculty member ran into my office saying (verbatim), " I need for you to come and help me to PHYSICALLY remove a student from the lab!"

I threw off my glasses, ripped my shirt open, and revealed the Golden 'S' on my chest.
I don't like people messing with my people, so I immediately went into action.

"Who does this student think he is?!? He MUST not not know who he is dealing with!"

I went into the lab and the unruly student saw me and began packing his things up. I felt like a cop.

"What's the problem?", I asked him.

"Ahh, no problem, I'm leaving now", he said.

"I bet you are leaving now... PACK IT UP BITCH!", I tole him.
(some of this dialougue has been edited for dramatic effect)

Then I kicked him in the ass as he was leaving out the door.
(ok, that didn't really happen either)

But I still felt like a hero. There was a room full of people and this one guy left because I told him to leave. He didn't leave when asked by another figure of authority, but for me. It was kind of weird... I'm like the same age as these students, but I kinda have their respect.

Go figure.

I saw the BIGGEST cockroach ever!

I'm telling you guys, this had to be some kind of mutated roach that escaped from some lab where the US gubment planned on breeding these monsters to fight wars for us.

This bug was amazingly huge and really didn't seem to be afraid of me when I entered the room. But now that I think about it, why should it have been? It damn near weighed the same as me.


I was so effin' grossed out. When I first saw it, I was kinda startled. I didn't expect to see a bug, let alone a freak of nature like this in the faculty/ staff lounge at my workplace. WE EAT IN THERE YALL!!! I never would have dreamed that I would see any critters in that place. It's kept pretty clean.

My heart was racing at this point. I was alone with a predator. I went immediately into survival mode, it was either kill or be killed, and I'll be a monkey's uncle if I were to be murdered by a bug.

I squished it.

Well, it was more of a crunch rather than a squish.

And it chewed through my shoe.

LMAO!

No it didn't.

I left its trembling carcass in the middle of the floor for all to see. And ran out of the room.
I returned a short while later to the scene of the crime. I left my Pepsi in there and I was extremely thirsty. I entered the room slowly, just in case the roaches cousins and dem was waiting to jump me when I came back. Luckily, I wasn't attacked.

But guess what?!?!

The roach wasn't there anymore!

I think it crawled away. It did the "I'm gonna make him think I'm dead" trick on me. I thought I stomped it dead. I guess I didn't grind it into the floor enough.

So now, whenever I go back into that room, I am extra cautious. I know that roach is nursing itself back to health and as soon as it's at 100% it's coming back. This isn't over by any means, but I'm ready. I never run away from a fight.



Bring it bitch!